The Curse Of The 'Oldies'

[chrisjw]

Following my harrowing visit to Waitrose this morning, it has further enhanced my opinion, that a law should be introduced, demanding that all 'oldies' should be vetted thoroughly in the art of 'Trolley Manouvers', before being let loose on the unsuspecting public they encounter on said visits.....I'm convinced that certain members of the 'Derby & Joan' fraternity, secretly hold covert meetings & plan their deadly assaults beforhand.......Only careful strategic planning could have been behind the ambush that was carried out on my good self today.........This particular 'reccee' involved two such 'thugs', both of which were obviously of the feminine gender & of dubious descent, as they both had their heads down, hiding their features and classing them oblivious to any particular direction they possibly may have had in mind to venture into. Unbeknown to me, they had positioned themselves, one in front of me & the other following up my rear. Once they had me safely ensconced & trapped in the 'Toilet paper & kitchen roll' aisle, they set into motion their dastardly mission......Without any warning whatsoever, the lead scout, suddenly came to an abrupt halt, slap bang in the middle of the aisle, without any prior warning & no apparent feasible reason whatsoever.......Leaving me no option, I too came to a skidding halt, with nowhere else to go, directly behind her, narrowly avoiding a nasty collision.... The follow up commando, meanwhile, took this opportunity to slam straight into the back of my legs, causing a 'dead leg' scenario, which ultimately resulted in me collapsing in a whimpering and painful heap, sandwiched between them........By the time I'd dragged myself up from the floor& regained my composure, they'd both disappeared into thin air...........'BASTARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'.........................Suffice to say, I'm back in the safety of my home now & I have no intention of venturing out again today...............As I footnote, I'd also like to propose that 'Pension day' at the post office be restricted to the hours of 1.00am- 5.00am, Sunday's only, as being caught up in this particular scenario comes close to what I can only describe as the twin to the annual 'Paloma Bull Run'...........................rant over...........I shall now relax with a strong coffee and hunt out the horse linament.....................

[Skwoddy]

HA, not laughed so much in ages!!, 0100 - 0500 sounds perfect!

[johnboy]

Oh Good God,!!!!!! What a disaster ,mind you I do find The said supermarkets a Tad small in our location!!!!!!. Re the pension they could have it paid straight into the bank account.

[Ellen]

#icon_rofl# Great story Chris

[hifistud]

Ha!! Have you been attacked by the Mounted Division on their electric granny carts?? Those things havea top speed well ahead of what any sensible and normal person would walk at, and the blighters never sound a horn or consider where their wheels are - ask my right foot, which one of the Mounted Division decided to run over while I was seated enjoying a coffee and a little RY6 - and she then had the nerve to look at me like my foot shouldn't have been on the end of my leg. I swear I heard a devilish giggle as she sped away looking for another victim to terrorise.

[OneDay]

....and then they do the checkout-clogging thing. You want money dear? oh, my purse is at the bottom of one of these bags somewhere. After several minutes of scrabbling about in the said bags the purse comes out. And 94p dear? I've got the change.... several minutes now pass as they count through the shrapnel, only to discover that they dont, in fact, have the 94p in change so it will have to be the tenner after all. Now where did I put my purse dear......?

[chrisjw]

Having now had the oportunity to recover from this mornings nightmare extravaganza, I have also managed to reflect on the incident & a flashback has occured............As I was struggling back to an erect stance, I remember witnessing a pair of legs ( at least from the calf area downwards ), bidding an unusually hasty retreat leftwards t the end of the aisle, heading towards the delicatessen area.......

[chrisjw]

........................ it was only a swift glimpse, I'm sure the prepetrator was wearing some kind of surgical stockings, ending in what can only be described as 'Sturdy, comfy shoes'........viewing above this area proved an impossibility as it was covered by the hem of a flowery housecoat, under a long crocheted cardigan ( of cerise colouring if my memory serves me well).........Unfortunately, I didn't get to view the rear attackers attire, but if she were wearing the same sort of getup, I suggest it an idea, to examine any future 'gangs' of these assailants when perusing inside these establishments & if anyone finds themselves boxed in by a matching pair, to bid a hasty retreat from said premises forthwith, in order to avoid the military precisioned attack that I was forced to endure

[chrisjw]

Sept 10, 2012 12:11:22 GMT OneDay said:

....and then they do the checkout-clogging thing. You want money dear? oh, my purse is at the bottom of one of these bags somewhere. After several minutes of scrabbling about in the said bags the purse comes out. And 94p dear? I've got the change.... several minutes now pass as they count through the shrapnel, only to discover that they dont, in fact, have the 94p in change so it will have to be the tenner after all. Now where did I put my purse dear......?

Funny enough oneday, that experience capped off my visit today..........I was forced to stand behind such a person in the checkout queue..........fortunately, my time waiting passed quicker than anticipated, as I spent it wondering how she'd mastered the similarity of a hairdo fashioned in the once popular 'Bobby Charlton' style..................

[Ellen]

Chris, I'm wondering if it's safe for you to leave the house at all, what with helicopters and old folks attacking you #attachment#

[lobeydosser]

As an OAP, I think that anyone under 60 should be banned from physical shopping, banking etc and only be allowed to do so online.

It is absolutely rediculous that these youngsters should be allowed to muck up our race tracks and meanderings through our supermarkets, where we go to peruse all these foods that our pensions do not stretch enough for us to actually buy.
But we can dream and, while we are at it, stay nice and warm at someone else's expense for an hour or four of an afternoon. .

As for Pension Day at the PO. Where else can we gossip and catch up on the goings on in our area.

Yes the "coming of age" bar should be raised to 60 and youngsters below that should be seen and not heard.

Dream on Lobey and turn the volume down on you Hearing Aid.

[beautycat]

Sept 10, 2012 12:23:09 GMT chrisjw said:

........................ it was only a swift glimpse, I'm sure the prepetrator was wearing some kind of surgical stockings, ending in what can only be described as 'Sturdy, comfy shoes'........viewing above this area proved an impossibility as it was covered by the hem of a flowery housecoat, under a long crocheted cardigan ( of cerise colouring if my memory serves me well).........Unfortunately, I didn't get to view the rear attackers attire, but if she were wearing the same sort of getup, I suggest it an idea, to examine any future 'gangs' of these assailants when perusing inside these establishments & if anyone finds themselves boxed in by a matching pair, to bid a hasty retreat from said premises forthwith, in order to avoid the military precisioned attack that I was forced to endure

That sounds like mrs brown from the tv show ! You might be in the next show

[DiscoDes]

Well, according to Panorama this evening it's probably because they're well pickled, probably on copious amounts of Sanatogen with Sherry Chasers.

WARNING THREAD HIJACK FOLLOWS!

Some people want to put a minimum of 50p on a unit of alcohol, it irks me that everyone gets penalised for a minority. Don't get me wrong, alcohol can destroy people's lives but why should I pay more for it because someone thinks setting a minimum charge will miraculously stop alcohol abuse. In my opinion what it will do is put a "little treat" further out of reach for some that can hardly afford to heat their homes. The abuse will go on and just make it more for those that can afford it making it a staus symbol.

Why is it always ban or stop, how come other countries where alcohol is cheaper does not have the problems we do?

RANT OVER.

[fananntut]

It's the way they all smell like they bathe in TCP that gets me - yeuch!

[Karma]

Sept 10, 2012 19:28:35 GMT DiscoDes said:

Well, according to Panorama this evening it's probably because they're well pickled, probably on copious amounts of Sanatogen with Sherry Chasers.

WARNING THREAD HIJACK FOLLOWS!

Some people want to put a minimum of 50p on a unit of alcohol, it irks me that everyone gets penalised for a minority. Don't get me wrong, alcohol can destroy people's lives but why should I pay more for it because someone thinks setting a minimum charge will miraculously stop alcohol abuse. In my opinion what it will do is put a "little treat" further out of reach for some that can hardly afford to heat their homes. The abuse will go on and just make it more for those that can afford it making it a staus symbol.

Why is it always ban or stop, how come other countries where alcohol is cheaper does not have the problems we do?

RANT OVER.

minimum pricing coming to Scotland early next year, it's been passed by the Scottish Parliament