Ron
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Post by Ron on Dec 31, 2018 1:22:49 GMT
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Ron
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Post by Ron on Jan 5, 2019 14:44:49 GMT
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Ron
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Post by Ron on Jan 7, 2019 17:16:28 GMT
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Ron
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Post by Ron on Jan 7, 2019 20:18:15 GMT
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Ron
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Post by Ron on Jan 12, 2019 0:04:37 GMT
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striker42
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Perp's Wee Pocket Rocket
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Post by striker42 on Jan 17, 2019 9:50:55 GMT
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Ron
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Post by Ron on Jan 19, 2019 15:01:43 GMT
I decided to start off the new year with a health kick today so I went for a run. I was spurred on by the clapping behind me before I realised it was just my arse cheeks!
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Ron
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Post by Ron on Jan 23, 2019 15:12:54 GMT
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Ron
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Post by Ron on Jan 23, 2019 21:04:20 GMT
Up in Yorkshire A rugby league fan is drinking in a Yorkshire bar, when he gets a call on his mobile phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar, announcing his wife has just given birth to a typical Yorkshire baby boy weighing 25 pounds.
Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the rugby fan just shrugs and replies, 'That's about average in Yorkshire... like I said, my boy's a typical Yorkshire baby boy. Gonna be a rugby league player.'
Congratulations showered him from all around, amid many exclamations of 'WOW!' One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, 'Say, aren't you the father of that typical Yorkshire baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth? Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. So, how much does he weigh now?'
The proud father answers, 'Twenty pounds.'
The bartender is puzzled, concerned and a little suspicious. 'What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!'
The Yorkshireman takes a slow swig of his Samuel Smith's Bitter, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says,
'Had him circumcised...'
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Ron
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Post by Ron on Jan 28, 2019 21:47:03 GMT
The doctor said, 'Ron , the good news is I can cure your headaches.
The bad news is that it will require castration.
You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press on
your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.
The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.'
I was shocked and depressed.I wondered if I had anything to live
for. I had no choice but to go under the knife.
When I left the hospital, I was without a headache for the first time
in 20 years, but I felt like I was missing an important part of
myself. As I walked down the street, I realized that I felt like a
different person. I could make a new beginning and live a new life. The
big problem was that I no longer was a "whole man".
I saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need... A new
suit.' I entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new suit.'
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, 'Let's see...size 44 long'
Joe laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?'
'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said.
I tried on the suit; it fit perfectly.
As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, 'How about a
new shirt?'
I thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.'
The salesman eyed me and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.'
I was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?'
' Been in the business 60 years.'
I tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.
I walked comfortably around the shop, and the salesman asked, 'How
about some new underwear?'
I thought for a moment and said, 'Sure.'
The salesman said, 'Let's see...size 36.'
I laughed, 'Ah ha! I got you, I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old
The salesman shook his head, 'You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would
press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one
hell of a headache.'
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Ron
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Post by Ron on Jan 29, 2019 16:35:04 GMT
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Ron
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Post by Ron on Feb 4, 2019 14:26:50 GMT
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striker42
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Post by striker42 on Feb 7, 2019 11:09:35 GMT
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dagl
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Captain Hospitality
carpe diem
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Post by dagl on Feb 9, 2019 16:43:55 GMT
Jacob Rees-Mogg’s message for the Common People
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Ron
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Post by Ron on Feb 12, 2019 21:07:14 GMT
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