Now Recruiting...........

[gjdart]

#icon_rofl# #icon_rofl# #icon_rofl# .....Classic... #icon_rofl# #icon_rofl# #icon_rofl#

You write the book Chris and I'll illustrate it....free of charge ..... #icon_rofl# #icon_rofl# #icon_rofl#

[beautycat]

Dear sir and Brenda

Thank you once again for the quick reply
It seems this job would have been ideal for me except for the non payment of wages. There would have been room for manoeuvre on my part. I would have been willing to accept 5 egos, 4 ego twists and 10 provaris along with 15 visions, 4 vivi novas and 10 Penelope's.
In light of this I will have to go to the other company, where they have promised me as much crab juice and Mary Jane as I can vape, having never tried either flavour before I am looking forward to how yummy they will taste!
(also feel you would nick my protective clothing and put it on Brenda )

Thank you for the opportunity
Yours faithfully
Beautycat

[magicma]

Nutters - all of you!! If I hadn't retired many years ago, I would apply for the position - in fact, any position!! MMa

[esmecullen]

Dear Sir

I would like to be considered for the position offered. Having spent 2 weeks building a Penelope I feel that I am adequatley qualified for such a position.

My main attributes to such a position is that I am willing to impart my knowledge of battery charging, which may in fact help with the problems of fuse failure, thus enabling you to work during night times.......... luckily unfortuantely I am unable to work nights due to the demands of a pampered moggy who insists that my lap is available during the evenings or he shreds my very expensive silk curtains and leather sofa and throws up on the louvre blinds.

I have never expeirenced high voltage shocks but am always willing to experience new skills, which I assume will include bricklaying should the need arise

I do not have any rubber gear............ but may be able to lay my hands on a pair of wellies............. will this preclude me from your consideration of victim employee selection?

I remain you most humble servant, etc etc

[chrisjw]

Aug 3, 2012 5:58:54 GMT beautycat said:

Dear sir and Brenda

Thank you once again for the quick reply
It seems this job would have been ideal for me except for the non payment of wages. There would have been room for manoeuvre on my part. I would have been willing to accept 5 egos, 4 ego twists and 10 provaris along with 15 visions, 4 vivi novas and 10 Penelope's.
In light of this I will have to go to the other company, where they have promised me as much crab juice and Mary Jane as I can vape, having never tried either flavour before I am looking forward to how yummy they will taste!
(also feel you would nick my protective clothing and put it on Brenda )

Thank you for the opportunity
Yours faithfully
Beautycat

Dear BC.
You have obviously been up all night, mulling over this juicy proposition & I understand it has also been a very difficult decision for you to make, given the tempting tit bits I have on offer regards the vacancy. It is encouraging to know that there was room to manoeuvre, which I can only presume to mean that the colourful rubber outfit is of a loose fitting nature. I trust you will engage much satisfaction in respect of your crab juice etc & wish you every success in your future role. As a footnote & to put your mind at rest, Brenda would not pose a threat with regards to your protective attire. On the contrary, I was mentally picturing my good self mincing around the Laboratory ( in catwalk fashion ) in said colourful ensemble. However, due to your decision to bless the other company with your presence, I must now banish such thoughts & continue with my quest for staff.........Thank you for your interest..............

Regards


Professor CJ...........

[beautycat]

Aug 3, 2012 8:53:21 GMT chrisjw said:

Aug 3, 2012 5:58:54 GMT beautycat said:

Dear sir and Brenda

Thank you once again for the quick reply
It seems this job would have been ideal for me except for the non payment of wages. There would have been room for manoeuvre on my part. I would have been willing to accept 5 egos, 4 ego twists and 10 provaris along with 15 visions, 4 vivi novas and 10 Penelope's.
In light of this I will have to go to the other company, where they have promised me as much crab juice and Mary Jane as I can vape, having never tried either flavour before I am looking forward to how yummy they will taste!
(also feel you would nick my protective clothing and put it on Brenda )

Thank you for the opportunity
Yours faithfully
Beautycat

Dear BC.
You have obviously been up all night, mulling over this juicy proposition & I understand it has also been a very difficult decision for you to make, given the tempting tit bits I have on offer regards the vacancy. It is encouraging to know that there was room to manoeuvre, which I can only presume to mean that the colourful rubber outfit is of a loose fitting nature. I trust you will engage much satisfaction in respect of your crab juice etc & wish you every success in your future role. As a footnote & to put your mind at rest, Brenda would not pose a threat with regards to your protective attire. On the contrary, I was mentally picturing my good self mincing around the Laboratory ( in catwalk fashion ) in said colourful ensemble. However, due to your decision to bless the other company with your presence, I must now banish such thoughts & continue with my quest for staff.........Thank you for your interest..............

Regards


Professor CJ...........

Professor CJ you are so funny, this is a fab thread

[chrisjw]

Aug 3, 2012 8:41:06 GMT esmecullen said:

Dear Sir

I would like to be considered for the position offered. Having spent 2 weeks building a Penelope I feel that I am adequatley qualified for such a position.

My main attributes to such a position is that I am willing to impart my knowledge of battery charging, which may in fact help with the problems of fuse failure, thus enabling you to work during night times.......... luckily unfortuantely I am unable to work nights due to the demands of a pampered moggy who insists that my lap is available during the evenings or he shreds my very expensive silk curtains and leather sofa and throws up on the louvre blinds.

I have never expeirenced high voltage shocks but am always willing to experience new skills, which I assume will include bricklaying should the need arise

I do not have any rubber gear............ but may be able to lay my hands on a pair of wellies............. will this preclude me from your consideration of victim employee selection?

I remain you most humble servant, etc etc

Dear esme
Firstly, may I thank you for your enthusiastic written response to this ever increasingly popular role within my ever deincreasing unpopular organisation. In particular, I was drawn to your declaration regarding your knowledge of battery charging. Normally regarded as a feather in the majority of hopeful applicants caps, this particular requisition is not, however, a major necessity, as the less knowledge you have the better, considering the fact that it is a frequent occurrence within the confines of the company Laboratory, to experience incidents of an explosive nature and are, in actual fact, favourably encouraged so as to make the chief CEO ( i.e. yours truly ) seem to give the impression that he knows exactly what he is doing, which, of course, is total fantasy. Whilst lingering on the subject of fantasy, may I point out that it is company policy to restrict the wearing of wellington boots to the foot area of the body, as opposed to the hands. This enables , more easily, the handling of delicate and fiddly parts and accessories used in the construction of the said company's merchandise. We have found, through past experience ( on occasions costly both to the company and the selected individuals health ) that difficulty has been included in handling said parts without the inclusion of relevant and appropriately positioned attire. I fully understand and appreciate your position regarding your moggy dilemmas. I too have the pleasure of a rather demanding pussy, so sympathise with the traumas it entails. Rest assured, your application is now nestling happily in my 'Pending Tray' along with other prospective victims employees and will not be contacting you in the distant near future.

Kind regards & thank you again very muchly for your lack of interest.

Professor CJ................

[beautycat]

Dear professor CJ

I am writing to express my displeasure in your recruitment drive.
You promised I would be the only female there and that all male staff were under my sole tutorage

From sneaking into your office(otherwise known as the loo) I have found several applicants to be female. If you hire them I will be soooooo let down.


Our business is one if the finest in the country, no one else has had so many failures, so much defunct equipment and such a parade of hardworking if slightly charred and singed staff and managed to keep going

I urge you to rethink your requirements

Yours forever

Brenda #KissBlowSmiley1# #KissBlowSmiley1#

[chrisjw]

Aug 3, 2012 9:51:44 GMT beautycat said:

Dear professor CJ

I am writing to express my displeasure in your recruitment drive.
You promised I would be the only female there and that all male staff were under my sole tutorage

From sneaking into your office(otherwise known as the loo) I have found several applicants to be female. If you hire them I will be soooooo let down.


Our business is one if the finest in the country, no one else has had so many failures, so much defunct equipment and such a parade of hardworking if slightly charred and singed staff and managed to keep going

I urge you to rethink your requirements

Yours forever

Brenda

Felicitations Brenda, although I fail to grasp the advantages of indulging in social intercourse via the interweb, when you are standing directly adjacent to me. However, to humour your desire to do so, I will reply to your complaint. May I raise the point , that your findings could be a tad premature. As you are aware, the only communication I have had with all hopeful victims applicants has been in a wriiten format as opposed to physical, so the gender of said victims applicants has yet to be clarified in person & may well lead to some disappointment on my behalf, regardless of how good the rubber attire looks on them. Rest assured that your presence under me ( or on top, for that matter )is extremely valued & your position ( whichever one that is at the time ) will not be in jeopardy. I didn't realise that I had granted you access to my inner most board room/office ( otherwise referred to as the loo ), where, as you know, I conduct the majority of my most delicate tasks, but would request a knock or rather loud cough in future, before entering...( just in case, you understand ). It gives me great pleasure ( normally, at least ) to know that you realise & cherish our most important & spectacular failures within the organisation, which I may add, is one of the reasons you were nominated for this most important & delicate post & I hope we will continue to cause total mayhem together for the un forseeable future.

Kind regards.

Your boss & non wage supplier....

Professor CJ.

[rosylea]

Dear Sir/Madman,
Gizza job,i can do that.
Yours freely,
The woman of few words.

[chrisjw]

Aug 3, 2012 11:33:31 GMT @rosylea said:

Dear Sir/Madman,
Gizza job,i can do that.
Yours freely,
The woman of few words.

Dear woman of few words.......

You have gone straight into my pending tray as the use of the word 'freely' immediately grabbed my penny scrimping attention........

[Bluefish]

Dear nutjob, I am very, quite, well vaguelly interested in this position but do not want to commit untill I have seen pictures of brenda, just in case she turns out to be a minger, btw I am fully quallyfied for this job and have my own protection/rubber gear that I use for the sheep, if you know what I mean. I await your responce in the bar, mr fish.

[esmecullen]

Aug 3, 2012 9:29:20 GMT chrisjw said:

Dear esme
Firstly, may I thank you for your enthusiastic written response to this ever increasingly popular role within my ever deincreasing unpopular organisation. In particular, I was drawn to your declaration regarding your knowledge of battery charging. Normally regarded as a feather in the majority of hopeful applicants caps, this particular requisition is not, however, a major necessity, as the less knowledge you have the better, considering the fact that it is a frequent occurrence within the confines of the company Laboratory, to experience incidents of an explosive nature and are, in actual fact, favourably encouraged so as to make the chief CEO ( i.e. yours truly ) seem to give the impression that he knows exactly what he is doing, which, of course, is total fantasy. Whilst lingering on the subject of fantasy, may I point out that it is company policy to restrict the wearing of wellington boots to the foot area of the body, as opposed to the hands. This enables , more easily, the handling of delicate and fiddly parts and accessories used in the construction of the said company's merchandise. We have found, through past experience ( on occasions costly both to the company and the selected individuals health ) that difficulty has been included in handling said parts without the inclusion of relevant and appropriately positioned attire. I fully understand and appreciate your position regarding your moggy dilemmas. I too have the pleasure of a rather demanding pussy, so sympathise with the traumas it entails. Rest assured, your application is now nestling happily in my 'Pending Tray' along with other prospective victims employees and will not be contacting you in the distant near future.

Kind regards & thank you again very muchly for your lack of interest.

Professor CJ................

Dear Professor CJ

thank you so much for giving my application initial consideration and note that you say regarding my extensive experience in battery charging. Of course I can make mistakes in said charging if that will make the other victims employees happy

My other skills which may help in my application are that I exploded 2 kettles whilst plugged into the mains in 3 months........ how this happened I am still mistified....... in fact the company I bought them from are astounded shocked that I could do this in such a short space of time and are still laughing their heads off investigating this occurrance.

I trust this further information will be of assistance in your sticking a pin in your list consideration of suitable mugscandidates

I remain you most humble servant

and so on and so forth