The Humourous Thread

[Lilac]

like it

[Scylla]

Cee 'n peed elsewhere, Kenny

scylla

[ken]

I like this one as it makes sense and gives me an excuse to carry on drinking wine










To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine...

And those who don't and are always

seen with a bottle of water in their hand.

As Ben Franklin said:

In wine there is wisdom,

In beer there is freedom,

In water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials,

Scientists have demonstrated that if we drink

1 litre of water each day,

At the end of the year we would have absorbed

More than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria

Found in feces.

In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poo..

However,

We do NOT run that risk when drinking wine& beer

(or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor)

Because alcohol has to go through a purification process

Of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember:

Water = Poo,

Wine = Health.

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid,

Than to drink water and be full of shit.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information:

I'm doing it as a public service!

[Scylla]

scylla


(It's taken me ages to post that, the forum's been down.)

[ken]

Anyone fancy underwater bowls:


ak.imgag.com/imgag/product/full/ap/3040935/graphic1.swf

[Lilac]

PMSL!!! i love it, Ken (the poo joke)

anyone seen this?

[ken]

Good one Lilac lol. Its like something I would do.

[Scylla]

This morning I got two slaps from eBay I think it was Kenny's jokes I C&P'd on the Techie joke thread, I spent too much time sorting out the paragraphing and not enough editing out the language, even though the words were shells filled in with asterisks.

'Sall Kenny's fault

scylla

[ken]

Thats right, blame me Scylla.

[Perpetua]

" Two Slaps Scylla"

[Scylla]

I only do it to try to keep the Techie board alive (post = "On a lighter note"), I shall think up some techie probs instead.

scylla

[magicma]

Scyll, you should know you have to be purer than pure when posting on the new eBay forums these days!! MM

[Scylla]

That's me out then

scylla x

[ken]

3 Blind (drunk) Mice
Three macho mice are sitting at a bar discussing just how tough they were. The first mouse slams a shot and says: "I play with mouse traps for fun. I'll run into one on purpose and as it is closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it 20 to 30 times." And, with that, he slams another shot.
The second mouse slams a shot and says: "That's nothing. I take those poison bait tablets, cut them up, and snort them, just for the fun of it." And, with that, he slams another shot.
The third mouse slams a shot, gets up, and turns to walk away.
"Where the hell do you think you're going?" ask his friends.

The third mouse stops and replies: "I'm going home to shag the cat."

[ken]

This not all that funny but clever in a quirky sort of way.


This is how the Bailout Package was explained to me, in simple terms...

It is a slow day in a damp little Irish town. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit. On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the town, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night. The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher. The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel. The guy at the Farmers' Co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the pub. The publican slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him "services" on credit. The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the €100 note. The hotel proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the rich traveller will not suspect anything. At that moment the traveller comes down the stairs, picks up the €100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town. No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism.
And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is how the bailout package works.