Man Rules

[Skwoddy]

One of my friends had the balls to post this on Facebook, Shamelessly stolen.

Please post any complaints to him..

MAN RULES

AT LAST A GUY HAS TAKEN THE TIME TO WRITE THIS ALL DOWN
FINALLY, the guys' side of the story. ( I MUST ADMIT, IT'S PRETTY GOOD.) 

WE ALWAYS HEAR 'THE RULES' FROM THE FEMALE SIDE 
NOW HERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE 

THESE ARE OUR RULES!

PLEASE NOTE. THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED #1 ON PURPOSE!

1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.

1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN. WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN. YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.

1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.

1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE: 

SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!
STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!
OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!
JUST SAY IT!

1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.

1.. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO. SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.

1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT. IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS. 

1. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE. DON'T ASK US.

1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE.

1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE. NOT BOTH.
IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.

1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS.

1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE...

1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS..
PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.

1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY 'NOTHING,' WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG. WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.

1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR..

1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE...REALLY. 

1.. DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS FOOTBALL OR MOTOR SPORTS.

1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.

1 .. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.

1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE!

1.. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS. YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT.. BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON'T MIND THAT? IT'S LIKE CAMPING...

PASS THIS TO AS MANY MEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A LAUGH... 

PASS THIS TO AS MANY WOMEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A BIGGER LAUGH, BECAUSE ITS TRUE!

[WhamBamSam]

Ah the old ones are always the good ones!

[gjdart]

This could have been written by my hubby.. Brilliant !

[FirinBlanks]

I gave this to my wife before we got married and still point her to the "null and void after 7 days" one

[Bluefish]

Missed one, 1, when a bottle of wine is opened all of it must be consumed. (It goes off and will not taste the same tomorrow/next week)
Just edumacated the Mrs on that one lol

[Banky]

Nice one BUT if I said or shown this to the Mrs I would be sitting here minus my balls,
and I'm not the only bloke who thinks this.

[Blownupdolly]

Mr Dolly would be OK... i never listen to anything he says and carry on as usual. Afterall, us girls know we are always right.

[Deleted]

Additional:

1.If we give you a compliment accept it. Don't be dismissive or deny it. (Sex is an appropriate reward)

[Blownupdolly]

This thread has just reminded me of that book out years ago Mars v Venus (is that the correct title?)

One of the biggest things i remember from the book was this mistake that all men make.

Men think that the bigger the gesture towards his woman is based on the grandness of whatever it is he does. For example. He thinks if he buys her a £10,000 diamond ring that must surely earn him 50 brownie points. If he buys her a flash car thaats got to be worth at least 75. If he merely make her breakfast in bed it is likely to be a puny 1 point.

Sadly for him, he has it all completely wrong as womens brains work totally different. It does not matter what the gesture is, or how much it cost no matter what you do for your woman, everything is 1 point and 1 point only!!!

So roll your sleeves up get off ya bum and help her and also save a lot of money!! LOL

[OneDay]

Strange that we can only earn one brownie point at a time but we seem to blow them in multiples of ten

[Deleted]

I was told that when your doing a good job ( in any environment ) that 1 f*** up destroys everything you have ever achieved ............. nuff said

[OneDay]

Very true Storm - I was once told by a boss that you're only as good as your last bollocking

[eyebrook]

I love the Female Psyche and subscribe to it whole heartily

[daveyboy37]

Feb 28, 2013 23:07:11 GMT eyebrook said:

I love the Female Psyche and subscribe to it whole heartily

Your spell checker playing up? Its spelt Psycho.

[suede]

Feb 28, 2013 23:10:03 GMT daveyboy37 said:

Feb 28, 2013 23:07:11 GMT eyebrook said:

I love the Female Psyche and subscribe to it whole heartily

Your spell checker playing up? Its spelt Psycho.

PMSL