Rob74
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Post by Rob74 on Oct 15, 2015 17:10:46 GMT
The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium.
She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Phil, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."
You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as the imagine the pain that poor Phil must have experienced.
"Phil was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain." We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Phil's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."
Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgeryperformed on Phil.
"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Phil is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."
All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.
He said, "I'm Phil." The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."
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Rob74
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Post by Rob74 on Oct 15, 2015 16:24:05 GMT
A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway.
You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, however, your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You have £9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly £1000 an inch."
The man perks up.
So, the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. But understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."
The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.
The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"
"Yes I have," says the man.
"And has she helped you make a decision?"
"Yes" says the man.
"What is your decision?" asks the doctor.
"We're getting granite work tops"
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Rob74
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Last Online Feb 17, 2022 8:10:56 GMT
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Post by Rob74 on Oct 15, 2015 10:29:58 GMT
Taps
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Rob74
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Last Online Feb 17, 2022 8:10:56 GMT
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Post by Rob74 on May 22, 2015 18:59:29 GMT
One more -
Charley, a new retiree, now greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.
One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.
"Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job when you finally get here; but your being late so often is quite bothersome."
"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."
"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear".
"Yes sir, I understand your concern and I will try harder".
Seeming puzzled, the manager went on to comment, "I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say to you there if you showed up in the morning late so often?"
The old man looked down at the floor, then smiled. He chuckled quietly, then said with a grin, "they usually saluted and said, Good morning, Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir"?
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Rob74
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Post by Rob74 on May 22, 2015 18:38:37 GMT
A man boarded a plane with six noisy, raucous kids and got settled into their seats. A woman sitting across the isle leans over and says, "excuse me sir but are these your kids?" to which he replied, "no, i work for a company that manufactures condoms and these are customer complaints.
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Rob74
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Post by Rob74 on May 22, 2015 18:31:13 GMT
My wife asked me for lip balm the other day but I gave her superglue by mistake.
She still isn't talking to me.
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Rob74
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Post by Rob74 on May 22, 2015 17:51:25 GMT
At the moment I am using a vamo with a nautilus tank and I do like it but just want something different. I ordered an In'ax nano clone as I would like something smaller. Any other suggestion for a micro mod  |
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Rob74
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Posts: 166
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Last Online Feb 17, 2022 8:10:56 GMT
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Post by Rob74 on May 22, 2015 17:49:28 GMT
Thank you all for your kind words and tips. Think I am going to like it on here.  |
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Rob74
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Last Online Feb 17, 2022 8:10:56 GMT
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Post by Rob74 on May 22, 2015 10:46:31 GMT
Thanks all. Just having a read just now, now the hard part on deciding what new devices I want ????
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Rob74
Full Member
Joined:May 2015
Posts: 166
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Likes: 129
Recent Posts
Last Online Feb 17, 2022 8:10:56 GMT
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Post by Rob74 on May 22, 2015 10:38:17 GMT
Hi all. New member to the site but I do vape already. Have a few different models just now but want to get into rebuilding my own so any good tips would be great. Thanks ?
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