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You'll be fine," the Doctor said after finishing the young woman's surgery.
"But", she asked, "how long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again Doctor?"

The Surgeon seemed to pause and his face reddened as a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye.
The girl was alarmed. "What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"

He replied, "Yes, yes, you'll be fine.

It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out".

A guy sits down in a Cafe and asks for the hot chilli. The waitress says, "The guy next to you got the last bowl."
He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the chilli bowl is still full. He says, "Are you going to eat that?"
The other guy says, "No. Help yourself."
He takes it and starts to eat it. When he gets about half way down, his fork hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse in it, and he pukes the chilli back into the bowl.
The other guy says, "That's about as far as I got, too."

Clap

An Englishman is being shown around a Scottish hospital.
At the end of his visit, he is shown into a ward with a number of patients who show no obvious signs of injury. He goes to examine the first man he sees, and the man proclaims:
Fair fa' yer honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain e' the puddin' race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
painch tripe or thairm:
Weel are ye wordy o' a grace
as lang's my arm.
The Englishman, somewhat taken aback, goes to the next patient, and immediately the patient launches into:
Some hae canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat and we can eat,
And sae the Lord be thankit.
This continues with the next patient:
Wee sleekit cow'rin tim'rous beastie,
O what a panic's in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty,
wi' bickering brattle.
I wad be laith to run and chase thee,
wi' murdering prattle!"
"Well," the Englishman mutters to his Scottish colleague, "I see you saved the psychiatric ward for the last."
"Nay, nay," the Scottish doctor corrected him, "this is the Serious Burns unit."