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Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship .
"Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people. "First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did. Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did. "Now we eat everybody." And they did. When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?" His wise father replied, "Because they taste better after you scare the shit out of them.."
Hmm. I have a digital watch, one of those retro nerdy ones haha- even if I could actually find the instructions, it would still take half an hour or so to adjust the time, going through all the button presses in the right order.. (includes time spent finding the magnifying glass to read the ridiculously tiny writing on the instructions)
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, opportunities for advancement will pass right by you
This morning as I was walking along the canal tow-path I heard a lot of splashing and a desperate cry for help.
I ran towards the sound, and there in the deepest lock was Boris Johnson. He was obviously struggling And with his clothes sodden it looked certain he would drown.
Now I'm no lover of the Tories or Boris, but I knew it was my duty to help the man despite the damage he & his party have done to our country. Reluctantly I did the right thing & contacted the emergency services.