Wanted

[Ellen]

Aug 20, 2012 12:06:08 GMT Sandra (aka Chillax) said:

What do you call a fly with no wings?


A walk!

[Dream (s)]

There was an English man, Irish Man and a Scottish man on a ship. The ship was going to go down, so they jumped off and swam to a little Island. Once n the Island they looked round and saw that the Island was only tiny and wondered how they would survive? one of them started walking around and looked down to the ground and found a genie lamp, he rubbed it and with a load of smoke poof come out a genie.

The Genie told them that as he was freed they had a wish each, First was the English man, genie asked him "Master you have one wish what is your wish, English man thought for a bit and said "My wish is that I was at home with my wife and kids" with that the genie granted him his wish and he was back at home with his wife and kids.

Second was the Scottish man, genie said "and master you have one wish any wish you like, but only one, he thought for a bit and said "I wish I was at my local pib with my mates drinking and having a laugh" His wish was granted. All that was left was the Irish guy.

Genie says to him "Master you have one wish and one wish only, what is it you desire ? The Irish man thought for a bit and said " You know what Genie, I feel lonely on this Island I wish my mates were back" with that his wish was granted and the three men were back together on the tiny little Island.

[ciar]

Aug 20, 2012 12:10:21 GMT Dream (s) said:

There was an English man, Irish Man and a Scottish man on a ship. The ship was going to go down, so they jumped off and swam to a little Island. Once n the Island they looked round and saw that the Island was only tiny and wondered how they would survive? one of them started walking around and looked down to the ground and found a genie lamp, he rubbed it and with a load of smoke poof come out a genie.

The Genie told them that as he was freed they had a wish each, First was the English man, genie asked him "Master you have one wish what is your wish, English man thought for a bit and said "My wish is that I was at home with my wife and kids" with that the genie granted him his wish and he was back at home with his wife and kids.

Second was the Scottish man, genie said "and master you have one wish any wish you like, but only one, he thought for a bit and said "I wish I was at my local pib with my mates drinking and having a laugh" His wish was granted. All that was left was the Irish guy.

Genie says to him "Master you have one wish and one wish only, what is it you desire ? The Irish man thought for a bit and said " You know what Genie, I feel lonely on this Island I wish my mates were back" with that his wish was granted and the three men were back together on the tiny little Island.

lol

[DiscoDes]

I took my son out for his first pint.



Got him a Fosters, he didn't like it , so I had it.



Got him a Carlsberg, he didn't like it so I had it.



It was the same with the Guinness and the cider.



By the time we got down to the whisky I could hardly push his pram home!

[DiscoDes]

Recently at the Olympic Games in London.

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman want to gain entrance to the opening ceremony, but they haven't got tickets.

The Scotsman picks up a manhole-cover, tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate.



"McTavish, Scotland," he says, "Discus," and in he walks.

The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it over his shoulder.



"Waddington-Smythe, England," he says, "Pole vault," and in he walks.

The Irishman looks around, picks up a roll of barbed wire and tucks it under his arm.



"O'Malley, Ireland," he says, "Fencing."

[Bluefish]

Good ones des > mmm that smiley was meant to be one of these des

[DiscoDes]

I have loads...................

[DiscoDes]

My favourite at the moment................


I'm hosting a charity gig for people who struggle to reach orgasm.



If you can't come let me know.

[DiscoDes]

The dog ran off last night. I walked around the park calling his name for 20 minutes and still could not find him.

The wife told me that I should look harder.



So I shaved my head and got a tattoo done.

I still can't find the Bl**dy dog!

[gjdart]

Wee Jocky was alway's being late for school and this morning was no different, as he was running down the road he was trying hard to think of yet another excuse to give his teacher.... As he reached the classroom door his mind was blank.. he couldn't think of a thing.. "Maybe she'll nae ask me the day", he hoped.....

Entering the classroom he was spied by the teacher who yelled.. "Jocky...your late again.. Just what have you got to say for yourself today". >

Oh Nooooo thought Jocky to himself whit ma gonnae say nooooo.... "Well ye see miss... ah wis cummin doon the road... and there wis this great big hole in the middle oh it"..... "an..well" .... :-[

"Well What"...said the teacher. >

"Well this horse an Cairt wis cummin doon the road...an the horse fell in the hole"!

"My Goodness" said the teacher... "what happened then Jocky"

"Well miss.. the horse fell in the hole and broke his leg and the vet had to come and shoot it"

"Oh..Jocky.. that's terrible"...said the teacher "did the vet shoot it in the hole"!??

"Naaaaaaaaw"..said Jocky "dinnae be sae daft........he shot it in the heid" !

[Sandra (aka Chillax)]

#icon_rofl# Love em

[rosylea]

Did anyone used to read the Sunday papers years ago,cant remember which one it was but they used to have a boring but true story page.
One particular story had me in stitches at the time,it was something about how the writer and his wife had gone shopping together and it started to rain,they had forgotten to take an umbrella with them so they had to take shelter in a shop.He ended the story with how he and his wife often look back and laugh at the time they nearly got wet.
Sorry,thought it was hilarious

[rosylea]

I woke early one morning,
The earth lay cool and still
When suddenly a tiny bird
Perched on my window sill,
He sang a song so lovely
So carefree and so gay,
That slowly all my troubles
Began to slip away.
He sang of far off places
Of laughter and of fun,
It seemed his very trilling,
brought up the morning sun.
I stirred beneath the covers
Crept slowly out of bed,
Then gently lowered the window
And crushed its ****ing head

I'm not a morning person

[nicky]

Believe it or not thus is Viagra headquarters in Canada.

[beautycat]

I just watched a documentary on how they put ships together. It was rivetting !!!

Rubbish I know