Wanted

[Annie]

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Arlene: What in the hell is that?

Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Arlene: Where did you get it?

Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.

The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'

The pharmacist fainted.

[PeeKay]

Do you know who gives kids a bad name?



Posh & Becks.

[pedaldog]

My sister passed her baby over to me and told me to Wind him.

I thought that was a bit hard so I just gave him a dead leg!

[Deleted]

A man was driving down the road and ran out of petrol. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.
The bee said, "What seems to be the problem"?
"I'm out of petrol."
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his petrol tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out.
"Try it now," said one bee.
The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up.
"Wow!" the man exclaimed. "What did you put in my petrol tank"?


The bee answered, "BP."

[maccafan]

How you separate the men from the boys in the Navy?

[Deleted]

A genie granted me one wish I made my wish and woosh there was a man one foot tall playing the piano but I didn't ask for a twelve inch pianist.