Eurodirective 456179

[lobeydosser]

In order to meet the conditions for joining the Single European currency, all citizens of the United Kingdom and Northern Ireland must be made aware that the phrase " Spending a penny" is not to be used after 31st December 2013.

From this date, the correct terminology will be: Euro - nating

[sleepyduck]

You taking the piss?

[lobeydosser]

Oct 23, 2013 17:04:55 GMT sleepyduck said:

You taking the piss?

After 6 pints, not here.




But way over there!!!!!

[ionian]

At first I thought you were serious.

But then I realised that Euro-nly joking!






I'll get my coat...

[lobeydosser]

The New European Language!!!

Read Aloud For Best Effect!!!

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c." Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik emthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like fotograf" 20 persent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by " v".

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

Ze drem vil finali kum tru.

[OneDay]

There is also a move to replace all the different units of measure with one single measure. Thus, kilos, grams, metres, centimetres, litres, milliliters, etc will all disappear.

These will all be replaced with the universal measure called the Firkin. This will only be used in multiples of two. So, under the new guidelines, things will be two firkin long, two fikin heavy, two firkin tall and so on.

Strangely for a new European Directive the early adopters seem to be the ones who usually object, e.g. construction workers, football fans and so on.

[jacquif]

but it is scarily too true for comfort....