Revenge on burglars!

[seniorphil]

As some know I was burgled eatlier in the month and lost a tv, ps3, computer, and tablet. Luckily I was insured so no financial loss, but a few weeks of struggling due to having to pay for repairs and replacements. The insurance money is yet to come in and when it does it can go in the kitty for my forthcoming trip to China.
I am still extremely angry with the scumbags who broke in, and look at everyone near my home with suspicion. They have been caught and when they go to court I will be there to recognise them.
On Wednesday this week at Hackspace London I am attending a 3 hour lockpicking lesson. This covers padlocks, Yale locks, mortice locks etc. My plan is to identify the scum, find out where they exist, then break(not so much break as sneak) in and leave my skid marks on their y-fronts. I will gladly put my hands up and admit to my offence as I know they are going to get let off scot free.
I would ideally like to break their legs but I feel I should not mimic these under class scum.
Any ideas would be gratefully recieved.

[a1laserboy]

My favourite is to brush my bottom with their toothbrush and wipe the mouthpiece of their telephone with my cheesy kno……….. you can guess the rest of the word

I'm glad they got caught but don't be surprised when they get off scott free

[cl0wn]

Some nice fresh fish, hidden in various nooks and crannies.

[seniorphil]

I am liking your ideas.
Obviously very experienced in fu*%ery! Delayed effect with disease and aroma. I did think about putting my nic supply in their water tank, but I do want to get to China before I am 80.
Great ideas guys!

[cl0wn]

Jan 25, 2014 20:28:11 GMT a1laserboy said:

My favourite is to brush my bottom with their toothbrush and wipe the mouthpiece of their telephone with my cheesy kno……….. you can guess the rest of the word

I'm glad they got caught but don't be surprised when they get off scott free

Combine the inserted toothbrush with a camera. Post a pic through their letterbox in a few weeks time, that way they'll know. 

[Carpe Vapor]

Would love someone to try and break in to mine.

Wouldn't be the normal police that would respond, would be the Armed Rapid Response lol

[a1laserboy]

Water tank shenanegens huh? I can think of a better one than nic involving what comes out of where the toothbrush has just been

[cl0wn]

Premium rate phone line. Phone on the hook. Simples.

[cl0wn]

One of these used in the upstairs bathroom.

[a1laserboy]

if there is a water tank in the loft, a much more efficient flooding can be caused by removing the float from the fill valve in the tank - flooding from 1 floor higher = much worse spread of damage

Or a couple of chickens from the supermarket taken out of their wrappers plopped into the tank should provide a fairly nasty water supply some days or weeks after the fact.

[chris86]

Design some business cards offering sexual services and put their phone number and address on them. Then just leave one in every phone box that you walk past.

[seniorphil]

I think kippers would do the trick, for the first few days they'd blame each other. Creep in, creep out no reason to get caught if I don't have to. I will use all toothbrushes, and I love the idea of letting them know afterwards with video evidence. If they were reasonable people this would cure them, but I know of 5 generations of this scum.

[Blownupdolly]

I'm glad they caught them Phil. Did you get any good deals on the TV and stuff in Tottenham Court Rd?

[cl0wn]

Jan 25, 2014 21:15:41 GMT seniorphil said:

I think kippers would do the trick, for the first few days they'd blame each other. Creep in, creep out no reason to get caught if I don't have to. I will use all toothbrushes, and I love the idea of letting them know afterwards with video evidence. If they were reasonable people this would cure them, but I know of 5 generations of this scum.

I think a photo would be better, you can Photoshop any identifying features, video may well give away clues. Alternatively, an anominous letter stating colour and make of toothbrush could be sent.

[seniorphil]

Jan 25, 2014 21:59:59 GMT Blownupdolly said:

I'm glad they caught them Phil. Did you get any good deals on the TV and stuff in Tottenham Court Rd?

Thanks for asking Hun, I got a 42" Samsung for £240, chuffed to bits. Bought a PS3 off Gumtree that had a dvd read fault for £30, fixed it in 15 mins. Decided not to replace the pc or tablet, do all my tinternet on the phone, so quids in financially, only my faith in humanity damaged.