Funnys

[rolo]

Jan 10, 2012 22:16:34 GMT bluemagnum said:

 
 
 Jane and Arlene 


Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Arlene: What in the hell is that?
Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet..

Arlene: Where did you get it?
Jane: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

'Doesn't matter, Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'
 The pharmacist fainted.

Lolololololololololol....

[bel]

[bluemagnum]

After having their 11th child, a  Liverpool   couple decided that was
enough, as the social wouldn't buy them a bigger bed and they weren't
strong enough to nick one.

The husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't
want to have any more children.
 
The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would
fix the problem but it was expensive.

A less costly alternative was to go home, get a firework, light it, put
it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The Scouser said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest guy in the
world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my
ear is going to help me.'
 
Trust me, it will do the job', said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. He held the
can up to his ear and began to count: '1, 2, 3, 4, 5,' at which point he
paused, placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue
counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Middlesbrough, parts of  Bradford   and
anywhere in  Wales .
 

[rolo]

Lol - glad to see the IOW escaped.

[bluemagnum]

Impossibilities in the world

1. You can't count your hair.

2. You can't wash your eyes with soap.

3. you can't breathe when your tongue is out .





















........... Curtis, put your tongue back in u daft sod

[stitch]

I honestly didn't poke my tongue out and try then ... Lol