charliehorse
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Post by charliehorse on Mar 24, 2020 11:37:35 GMT
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Ron
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Post by Ron on Mar 26, 2020 0:03:01 GMT
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skipraider
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Post by skipraider on Mar 27, 2020 1:36:00 GMT
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Ron
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Post by Ron on Apr 2, 2020 8:49:32 GMT
Hillybilly Mother writing to her Son. Dear Son, Just a few lines to let you know that I'm still alive. I'm writing this letter slowly because I know that you cannot read fast. You won't know the house when you come home. We've moved. I won't be able to send you the address as the last family that lived here took the number with them for their next house so they wouldnt have to change their address. About your father he has a lovely new job. He now has over 500 men under him. He is cutting grass at the cemetary. There was a washing machine in the new house when we moved in but it isn't working too good. Last week I put 14 shirts into it and pulled the chain and I havent seen the shirts since. Your sister,Mary had a baby this morning. I havent found out whether it is a boy or a girl so I dont whether you are an Aunt or an Uncle. It only rained twice last week. First for three days and then for four days. Monday was so windy that one of our chickens laid the same egg four times. I was going to send you a coat but Mary said it would cost more with the buttons on it. So I cut them off and put them in the pockets. We had a letter yesterday from the undertaker. He said if the last installment wasn't paid on your Grandmother within within 7 days up she comes. Your loving Mother
P.S. I was going to send you $10.00 but I had already sealed the envelope.
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Ron
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Post by Ron on Apr 5, 2020 23:31:26 GMT
A man went into a Birmingham supermarket and tried to buy half a cauliflower. The very young greens-produce assistant told him that they sold only whole cauliflowers. The man persisted, and asked to see the manager, and the boy went to find him. Walking into the stock room, the boy said to his manager, "Some w****r out there wants to buy half a cauliflower." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the customer standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half." The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way. Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people here who think on their feet. Where are you from, son?" "Cardiff, sir," the boy replied. "Why did you leave Cardiff ?" the manager asked. The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing there but prostitutes and rugby players." "Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Cardiff ." "You're kidding?" replied the boy. "What position did she play?"
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charliehorse
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Post by charliehorse on Apr 6, 2020 9:53:34 GMT
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Ron
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Post by Ron on Apr 9, 2020 20:17:45 GMT
First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden. Then he said to himself, "There's something he's needing' ". After casting about for a suitable pearl, He kept messing around and created a girl. Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender, Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender. Two lovely hips to increase his desire, And rounded and firm to bring out the fire. Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud, Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud. Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you, And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you. Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder, And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder. 'Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing. Then he added a mouth. Ruined the whole blasted thing!
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Ron
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Post by Ron on Apr 21, 2020 13:08:46 GMT
Really amazing what some people throw away! Just saw this almost brand new camera on the highway, with accessories and suitcases, on the side of the road. I got a quick right (everything was free) and packed them quickly. I'm lucky again today
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Ron
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Post by Ron on May 1, 2020 10:54:18 GMT
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Ron
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Post by Ron on May 3, 2020 17:12:22 GMT
Today’s word is fluctuations
I will never hear or see this word again without thinking of this joke…
I was at the bank standing in a short line. There was just one lady in front of me.
An Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.
It was obvious she was a little irritated…
She asked the teller, “Why it change?
Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen.
Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?”
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, “Fluctuations”
And the Asian lady replied, “Fluc you white people too.”
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Ron
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Post by Ron on May 3, 2020 17:13:59 GMT
Little Emily went home from school and told her mum that the boys kept asking her to do cartwheels because she's very good at them.
Mum said, "You should say "No" -they only want to look at your knickers."
Emily said, "I know they do.
That's why I hide them in my bag"!
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Ron
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Post by Ron on May 3, 2020 21:05:22 GMT
A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?" Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other. She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine." The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very, closely: "Are - my - test - results - back?"
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Ron
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Post by Ron on May 11, 2020 10:18:30 GMT
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Ron
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Post by Ron on May 11, 2020 21:20:44 GMT
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Ron
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Post by Ron on May 14, 2020 10:55:49 GMT
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