Ron
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Post by Ron on Feb 21, 2019 12:34:54 GMT
A man boarded a plane with six kids.
After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting Across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked,
"Are all of those kids yours?"
He replied, "No Ma'am, I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."
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Ron
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Post by Ron on Feb 21, 2019 14:14:47 GMT
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Ron
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Post by Ron on Feb 21, 2019 14:18:07 GMT
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Ron
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Post by Ron on Feb 21, 2019 14:28:04 GMT
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Ron
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Post by Ron on Feb 22, 2019 11:57:53 GMT
This is Gert van der Merwe,, another victim of a Samsung phone. The phone didn't explode, but his wife dicovered his password.
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Ron
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Post by Ron on Feb 22, 2019 16:44:59 GMT
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Ron
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Post by Ron on Feb 23, 2019 0:32:06 GMT
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Ron
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Post by Ron on Feb 23, 2019 12:20:43 GMT
The Tax Man
At the end of the tax year, the Inland Revenue office sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital.
While the agent was checking the books he turned to the Accountant of the Hospital and said, "I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there's too little left to be of any use?"
"Good question," noted the Accountant. "We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every now and then they send us a free box of bandages."
"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer.
But on he went, in his obnoxious way. "What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what's left over after setting a cast on a patient?"
"Ah, yes," replied the Hospital Accountant, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We save it and send it back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free package of plaster."
"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Accountant.
"Well," he went on, "What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"
"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Accountant. "What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the Inland Revenue Office, and about once a year they send us a complete prick.
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Ron
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Post by Ron on Feb 24, 2019 21:25:46 GMT
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Ron
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Post by Ron on Feb 25, 2019 16:02:34 GMT
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Ron
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Post by Ron on Feb 28, 2019 13:00:53 GMT
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Ron
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Post by Ron on Feb 28, 2019 16:06:22 GMT
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Ron
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Post by Ron on Feb 28, 2019 22:53:47 GMT
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Ron
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Post by Ron on Mar 5, 2019 21:10:18 GMT
Please be aware!!! We ordered a Chinese takeaway last night from a local place (I won't name them) and as I was driving home, I heard the bags rustling and moving!! I thought what the hell is that. Has something got in the bag, I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out at me. I was driving so I leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the passenger seat and there it was again, more rustling and little eyes looking out behind the prawn crackers, I thought its got to be a rat or a mouse or something, so I carefully pulled the bag down ... And there it was ..A Peeking Duck!
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Ron
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Post by Ron on Mar 7, 2019 15:43:34 GMT
Well! Hi Steve.
This is Paul next door. I’m sorry buddy, but I have a confession to make to you. I've been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now telling in text as I can’t live with myself a moment longer without you knowing.
The truth is, I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, probably more than you, particularly in the mornings after you've left for work. I haven’t been getting it at home recently, but that's no excuse I know. The temptation was just too much… I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies and forgive me. I promise that it won't happen again.
Regards, Paul
THE ACTIONS
Steve, feeling anguished and betrayed, immediately went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife twice, killing her instantly.
He returned to the lounge where he poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. He took out his phone to respond to the neighbour's text and saw he had another message:-
THE REPLY
Hi Steve.
This is Paul next door again. Sorry about the slight typo on my last text, I expect you worked it out anyway, but as I’m sure you noticed, my predictive text changed ‘WiFi’ To ‘Wife’. Technology hey?!? Hope you saw the funny side of that.
Regards, Paul”
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