Terminally ill parent, computer knowledge required

[lynwlt]

Here's the thing..
My ex-best friend's parents live 45 miles fro me. Their daughter lives in Crete.
Her Dad, my adoptive Dad, has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer of the oesophagus, has been told he has months rather than years to live.
Dad is 88, Mum is 84.
Mum has been booked in for shoulder replacement surgery on 17th December.
Mum has been told that she will have someone coming in each day to help her with washing and dressing.
That's great, but I'm really not sure that her consultant is aware of how fragile Dad's health is, and how quickly he is declining.
Dad is absolutely determined to see Mum through the surgery.

I can get down to see them once or twice a week, maybe 3 times.....

I'm not sure that their daughter is aware of how frail their situation is.
She may well know and be chosing to put her head in the sand..

I really don't want to piss anyone off, and if I have to I will farm the beasties out and go down there for a week.

I'm just so worried about how they will manage, and I don't know if I should let their daughter know without their consent..

I'm speculating to some extent about how difficult it will be for them to cope.

I love these people so much...

They have been married for 63 years, and have always treated me like their own daughter..

They don't have internet access, and I was wondering if something like this.. Prestigio Multipad 8 inch Android 2.3 Tablet might be an easy option for them to use for email and skype..
It's cheap at the moment and they could use it with a dongle...
Just think it might be useful to order food and stuff on line. I could do that for them..

[Roger]

Are you OK lynwit? It's just that your post ends abruptly and has an odd title.

[lynwlt]

Hah, Roger..

Pressed the wrong button at the wrong time...I think I might have made a bit more sense now.

Thankyou..

[Roger]

Nov 19, 2012 15:17:23 GMT lynwlt said:

Hah, Roger..

Pressed the wrong button at the wrong time...I think I might have made a bit more sense now.

Thankyou..

Yes, total sense now And what you suggest may help, are they OK with technology?

[Banky]

Hi Lynwlt,
Great idea i think this would do for what you need it for
and how are you, could you may be call their daughter
as you said may be she dosent know how serious the situation is.

rab

[lynwlt]

This would be their first foray into the world wide web.
Mum would be interested, Dad would enjoy being able to skype their daughter.

I'm pretty illiterate technologically myself so don't know how easy the set-up would be.

It would have to be easy for me to do too....

I don't want to call daughter yet...

[lynwlt]

The android is currently available for £109.

Is that a good price or not?

[lynwlt]

I'm now thinking that they couldn't use it with a dongle....

Opinions welcomed..

[kickit]

If they're going to be primarily using it for Skype then the idea of having just a dongle is probably not all that wise: it'll eat data and the PAYG or short-term contract dongles aren't particularly good value for money. They might be better with a proper broadband deal: there are some companies who offer contracts that don't involve you signing up for a 12 or 24 month contract. Again, not as cheap as the longer term contracts, but heaps more reliable than a dongle and less data usage restrictions.

How confident are you in their ability to be able to understand and use the technology? Tablets are quite intuitive if you've grown up with computers, but not necessarily the easiest thing to use and understand if you are getting on in years and your hands aren't as nimble as they once were. And the screen size isn't perhaps so great for someone whose eyesight isn't what it once was.

It might be worth seeing if you can find a reasonably priced secondhand laptop with a decent-sized screen and built-in webcam. If they are only going to use it for a couple of things, then memory and so on probably aren't in the least bit important. If it's "clean" and can be set up so they only have to press the minimum number of buttons to do what they want to do, all the better.

I don't want to appear to be being negative in any way, and I don't know any of you, of course, so forgive me if I'm stating the obvious or saying the wrong thing, but I wouldn't underestimate just how difficult it may prove to be for them to manage any sort of computer or e-mail and Skype, if they've never used them before. I hope they can, and if they are able to see and speak to their daughter in this difficult period then it would be fantastic, but it might prove to be hard for them to master..

[Clutter]

Lynne,

I think it would be as well to let the daughter know sooner rather than later. She may find it impossible to arrange flights & other transport in the run up to Christmas.

[Chrissie]

Not going to be much help (((Lyn))), but just wanted to give you a hug.

[alijoy60]

I think Kickit's advice is brilliant.


And I say let the daughter know - then she can make her decisions based on reality, whatever her decisions are. You will feel better once done, I think.

And not to forget, he is also entitled to home carers, as Mum will be getting after the op, if there are personal care things he may need help with at that time.

Ali x

[Karma]

Lyn, you can always order groceries yourself from your home and have them delivered to them if you can't get there yourself.

I also think their daughter needs to know what's going on!

Take care of yourself Lyn, sounds like a stressful time #grouphug#

[lynwlt]

Thanks people..

Daughter knows about Dad's illness and prognosis, is planning to come back over here in January.

I'm probably over-reacting.

Kickit, you've helped me get the internet stuff into perspective.

I'll go back down this weekend and see how things are going, encourage them to ask daughter to come back sooner.

I'm sure I can fill in the gaps one way or another.

[Karma]

I don't think you're over-reacting Lyn, I think you are just rightly concerned and trying to do the best thing !