SPEED COPS

[Ron]

Top this for a speeding ticket...

Two  traffic patrol officers from
Winchester LAC (Local
Area Command) were
involved in an unusual incident while checking for speeding motorists on the M3
Motorway. One of the officers used a hand-held radar device to check the speed
of a vehicle approaching over the crest of a hill, and was surprised when the
speed was recorded at over 800mph  Their radar suddenly stopped working and the
officers were not able to reset it.

Just then a deafening roar over the
treetops revealed that the radar had in fact latched on to a Typhoon  fighter jet which was engaged in a low-flying exercise over Wyong, approaching
from the sea

Back at police headquarters the Local Area Commander
fired off a stiff complaint to the RAF Liaison officer

Back came the reply in true laconic RAF
style:

'Thank
you for your message, which allows us to complete the file on this incident.
You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Typhoon had
detected the presence of, and subsequently locked onto, your hostile radar
equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it. Furthermore, an
air-to-ground missile aboard the fully-armed aircraft had also automatically
locked onto your radar equipment.

Fortunately the pilot flying the Typhoon  recognized the situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile
systems alert status, and was narrowly able to override the automated defense system before the missile, was launched and your hostile radar installation was
totally destroyed.

Thank you for your enquiry and have a nice day.

[lobeydosser]

I must remember not to point my Lazer Pen at these jets the next time they fly over here!

[ibalders]

LOL I heard about this one a few years ago but this time the police offices were from North Berwick and the incident took place on the A1 and the speed was 300 mph, I don't know if it's the same story but it's still funny

[womble]

it's the same story and a load of bull. but funny still.

[Roger]

It is funny, but totally untrue. The first time I read it, it involved Buccaneers, it's now moved on to Typhoons.

[Skwoddy]

Reminds me of the story about the Captain of the *insert warship name* who refused to give way.

Tis funny though.

[suede]

Should have let them have it.

[Ron]

Mar 21, 2013 12:51:44 GMT Skwoddy said:

Reminds me of the story about the Captain of the *insert warship name* who refused to give way.

Tis funny though.

U.S. Aircraft Carrier Radar Officer:
'Please divert your course at least 7 degrees to the south to avoid a collision'.

Back came the reply: 'You must be joking, I recommend you divert your course instead'.

The U.S. Radar Officer referred the matter to his superior officer. And reported the incident as insubordination.

As a result the Captain of the Air Craft Carrier sent a second message.  'I believe that I out rank you, and am giving you a direct order to divert your course now!!!'

Canadian Radio Operator: 
'This is a lighthouse.  I suggest you take evasive action.'

Footnote to the lighthouse urban myth

The lighthouse story is an urban myth.  Our friend Jackson heard a rumour that the story is discussed at the annual coastguards' convention, where the different versions are compared and scored.  Apparently most versions are preposterous because the ship would have visual contact with the lighthouse.  However, if you add a fog to your version you gain credibility - at least in the eyes of the lighthouse keepers.

 ?

Origin of this Collision Urban Myth

Merv recogns that the origin of this collision story was slightly different, he says:

The true 25-year-old American story is that of the colonel in charge of the large air base in Niagara Falls, NY.

He was going to a meeting in Texas so he flew one of the F16s. Over Pennsylvania, he was advised by air traffic controllers to divert to 60 (thousand feet).

He asked why and was told he was on a possible collision course with another aircraft. "This is Colonel so-and-so of the Niagara Falls Air Base. Advise the other aircraft to divert."

"Request you advise him yourself, sir, it's Air Force One."

He got so much ridicule for this he was forced to resign and at his retirement party they gave him a huge model of Air Force One.

The story got front page coverage in the Niagara Gazette and the Buffalo News especially ran a large picture of him getting the model aircraft.

It was also on the local TV networks every day for a week and though I've been looking off and on for at least a decade and can't find any mention of it anywhere. This is not an urban myth. I was there, so to speak. This is from memory so details are fuzzy.