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Snotty Receptionist
Yesterday I had an appointment to see the urologist for a Prostate exam.
Of course I was a bit on edge because all my friends have either gone under the knife or had those pellets implanted.......
The waiting room was filled with patients.
As I approached the receptionist's desk,
I noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler.
I gave her my name.
In a very loud voice, the receptionist said,
"YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE;
YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at me,
a now very embarrassed man.
But as usual, I recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,
'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION,
BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS."
The room erupted in applause!
DON'T MESS WITH OLD RETIRED GUYS

This is a classic
PMSL this a must read
If you are 40 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious BS about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking Twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill... barefoot... BOTH ways Yadda, yadda, yadda
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of BS like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!
But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of forty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.
You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a BLOODY UTOPIA!
And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it!
I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the bloody library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!
There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen!
Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take, like, a week to get there!
Stamps were 5 pence!
Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick the shit out of us! Nowhere was safe!
There were no MP3' s or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!
Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and bugger it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished and the tape would come undone. Cause - that's how we rolled, dig?
We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it!
And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either!
When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mum, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen... forever!
And you could never win.
The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!
You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!
NO REMOTES!!!
There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you SPOILED LITTLE DEVILS
And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the cooker! Imagine that!
That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You little devils wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1970 or before!
Regards,
Grumpy Gang

Three old Grandmas were sitting on a bench outside the nursing home when an old Grandpa walked by.
One of the old Grandmas yelled out, 'Hey, we bet we can tell exactly how old you are!'
The old man said, 'There is no way you can guess my age!’
One of the Grandmas said, 'Sure we can! Just drop your pants and we can tell your exact age.'
Embarrassed, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it, he dropped his pants.
The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and then jump up and down several times.
Determined to prove them wrong, he did it.
Then they all said in unison, 'You're 87-years-old!'
Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, 'How in the world did you guess my age?'
Slapping their knees, high-fiving and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily crowed.....
'We were at your birthday party yesterday.'

This is what happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news reader that had forecast snow the next day after being told so by the weatherman. The next day it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, so she turned to the weatherman and asked:
'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?'
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard

Maria just got married, and being a traditional Italian, she was
still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother’s
house, she was nervous.

But her mother reassured her. “Don’t worry, Maria. Tony’s a good
man. Go upstairs, and he’ll take care of you.” So up she went.
When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his
hairy chest.

Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, “Mama, mama, Tony’s
got a big hairy chest.”

“Don’t worry, Maria”, says the mother, “All good men have hairy
chests. Go upstairs. He’ll take good care of you.”

So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took
off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again Maria ran downstairs
to her mother.

“Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants, and he’s got hairy legs, too!”

“Don’t worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony’s a good man.
Go upstairs, and he’ll take good care of you.”

So, up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his
socks, and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria
saw this, she ran downstairs.

“Mama, Mama, Tony’s got a foot and a half!”

“Stay here and stir the pasta”, says the mother, “this is a job
for Mama!”

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