Someone's Had A Bad Day. (Some swearing!)

[WhamBamSam]

ACTUAL PASSPORT LETTER:

This, apparently, is an actual letter received by the UK Passport Office.

Dear Sirs,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe how is it that Sky Television has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a bleeding satellite dish from them back in 1988, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was bloody born and on what date.

Do you guys do this by hand?

My birth date you have on my pension book.

It's on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years.

It is on my National Health card.

My driving licence.

My car insurance.

On the last eight damn passports I've had.

It's on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the plane over the last 30 years.

All those insufferable census forms.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Mary Anne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely astounded if that WOULD ever change between now and when I die!!

I apologise, I'm really pissed off this morning.
Between you an' me, I've had enough of this bullshit!

You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my bleeding address!!

What is going on? Do you have a gang of neanderthal ar*eholes workin' there?

Look at my damn picture.

Do I look like Bin Laden?

I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want to go and park my arse on some sandy beach somewhere.

And would someone please tell me, why would you give a sh*t whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days?

If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, you'd be the last f***ing people I'd want to tell!

Well, I have to go now,'cause I have to go to the other end of the poxy city to get another f****ng copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of £30.

Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day?

Nooooooooooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense.

You'd rather have us running all over the f****n' place like chickens with our heads cut off, then WE have to find some ar*ehole to confirm that it's really me on the damn picture - you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?! (bureaucratic f****n' morons)

Hey, do you know why we couldn't smile if we wanted to? Because we're totally pissed off!

Signed

An Irate Citizen

P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to confirm that it's me?

Well, my family has been in this country since 1776 ...

I have served in the military for something over 30 years and have had full security clearances over 25 of those years enabling me to undertake highly secretive missions all over the world.

However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - you know, someone like my doctor ..

WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN FRIGGIN` PAKISTAN!

[ripple27]

Brill !!!!!!!!!!

[Blownupdolly]

I can go off like that on a bad day. My daughter finds it embarrassing when she take me to the hospital sometimes

[ChillerVapes]

LMFAO!!!!!!! I'm in the bloody process of getting both mine and the mrs's passports and because we lost the old ones, we have to fill them out as if we have never had one before. It is also VERY likely that we will need to go for an interview... I'M NOT LOOKING FOR A JOB, I JUST WANT TO SEAL THE DEAL WITH THE WIFE TO BE IN EVERY WAY I CAN FOR A WEEK WITH NO KIDS ABOUT AND NO STRESS ABOUT THE CRAP AT HOME.

Also, can someone please explain to me why on the lost passport application forum they ask you where you lost it? IF I KNEW THAT IT WOULDN'T BE LOST!

and what does it matter anyway, if I friggin find it, it's no use to me anymore as I've declared it as lost.

They are real morons and I have to agree with everything in the letter! lol

[dustyfog]

Fab..... Its great to communicate with each other departments

[alanfinal]

Paperwork has to created to create more paperwork and then it will all cost people money,how else will the economy survive we don't actually produce anything anymore except paperwork

[kibbster]

All of it is so true

[kurotoshiro]

"Actual passport letter".

Yeah, sure.

Canadian version: www.yachtforums.com/forums/general-yachting-discussion/8425-passport-application-etc.html

American version: www.redline9.net/thread-2018.html

There may well be others.

[Blownupdolly]

Yes yes, i know, but it is still funny and so true!!

[kurotoshiro]

Sorry, I just get disproportionately annoyed by reposts of blatantly false claims, even if they're just for comedy purposes. In this case, it winds me up that nobody has bothered to remove the heading that says it's a genuine letter. How hard would it be to replace this with "Hey, here's a spoof letter that's quite funny"?

I think Facebook is to blame. It's full of reposted BS that nobody has bothered to check for accuracy. It's made me super-sensitive to it!

[Roger]

It's a bit like this one

This is the transcript of a radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a Collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States' Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that YOU change your course 15 degrees north, that's one five degrees north, or countermeasures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

[WhamBamSam]

Mar 5, 2013 13:57:12 GMT kurotoshiro said:

Sorry, I just get disproportionately annoyed by reposts of blatantly false claims, even if they're just for comedy purposes. In this case, it winds me up that nobody has bothered to remove the heading that says it's a genuine letter. How hard would it be to replace this with "Hey, here's a spoof letter that's quite funny"?

I think Facebook is to blame. It's full of reposted BS that nobody has bothered to check for accuracy. It's made me super-sensitive to it!

Sorry and all that.

You having a bad day. Kurotoshiro?

I'll edit my copy and pasting from now on. I thought I was doing a fair enough job in dealing with the offensive swear words.

Only giving people a laugh. Does it matter whether it was 'an actual letter' or not?

[kurotoshiro]

Mar 5, 2013 15:52:04 GMT WhamBamSam said:

Does it matter whether it was 'an actual letter' or not?

Only to a pedantic tw*t like me.

In any case, I apologise, as I really shouldn't be bringing my facebook-based irritations into this forum/thread. The kind of twaddle that gets reposted on Facebook is often full of potentially harmful misinformation. Whereas this is, as you say, purely for comedy.

[skyjay]

Mar 5, 2013 13:57:58 GMT Roger said:

It's a bit like this one

This is the transcript of a radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a Collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States' Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that YOU change your course 15 degrees north, that's one five degrees north, or countermeasures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call. love it

[Bluefish]

passport letter is brill, so got to be fake, I mean they would have been round his house and banged him up so quick for using common sense, and all traces of it would have been destroyed. The person who received the letter would have been on sick leave for the rest of their life from the stress of it.