The Humourous Thread

[Jemima]

Sept 24, 2011 4:52:22 GMT shamreez said:

i can vouch that the lone black car parked properly was driven by Scylla..
(Is my ban lifted now )

A blatent lie it was driven by me

[bioxx]

Sept 24, 2011 13:07:34 GMT Jemima said:

Sept 24, 2011 4:52:22 GMT shamreez said:

i can vouch that the lone black car parked properly was driven by Scylla..
(Is my ban lifted now )

A blatent lie it was driven by me

[jerryrm]

If you've ever worked for a boss who reacts before getting the facts and thinking things through, you will love this!

Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that
he meant business. He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400 a week. Why?"

The CEO said, "Wait right here." He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, "Here's
four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back."

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"

From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."

[bioxx]

^ Nice tip he got there

[hissie]

Unbelivably awwwish.

www.theanimalrescuesite.com/clickToGive/ars/article/Cutest-Kitty-Milk-Goatee438;jsessionid=33BD40F32E146CF269DB9C5FE37BC21B.ctg-b

[magicma]

Awe!! I want one just like that ^^^^^ MM xxx

[hissie]

Love this

[hissie]

& this lol.

[monster74]

What do you call a laptop that can sing?


A dell

[jerryrm]

Making a Baby....
This is hilarious!

There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny!


The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat !..

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me.. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with..'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away..'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'

Mrs. Smith fainted

[bel]

For a reason i won't say i found this sooo funny!!!

[monster74]

Oh Jerry Ive not laughed so much in ages!!!

And Bel the mind boggles

[bel]

[hissie]

Thought this was funny.

[Scylla]

This is for Clutzi and me and anyone else, if the cap fits:

Cleaning Poem

I asked the Lord to tell me
Why my house is such a mess
He asked if I'd been 'computering',
And I had to answer 'yes.'
He told me to get off my butt,
And tidy up the house.
And so I started cleaning up...
The smudges off my mouse.
I wiped and shined the topside.
That really did the trick...
I was just admiring my good work.
I didn't mean to 'click.'
But click, I did, and oops - I found
A real absorbing site
That I got SO way into it -
I was into it all night.

So nothing's changed except my mouse.
It's as shiny as the sun.
I guess my house will stay a mess.....
While I sit here on my bum.






scylla