The Humourous Thread

[nicky]

It was hard getting over my addiction to the okey cokey.................but now i've turned myself around now, an that's what it's all about. !

[nicky]

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed.

On your right side is a sharp drop-off.

On your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.

Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it.

Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the kangaroo.

What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?







Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round and go home!!

[Malibu]

I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law last night
when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

"This is the 21st century, old man" he said.
"We don't waste money on newspapers.
Here, you can borrow my iPod."

I can tell you, that bloody fly never knew what hit it...

[jayjay]

You think this bloke is randy.....





Not as randy as this horse!

[nicky]

#icon_rofl#

[Brian]

Paddy and Mick were walking along a street in London ...

Paddy looked in one of the shop windows and saw a sign that caught his eye.
The sign read, "Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, trousers £2.50 per pair".

Paddy said to his pal, "Mick, look at dem prices! We could buy a whole lot of those and when we get back to Ireland we could make a fortune. Now when we go in you stay quiet, okay? Let me do all da talking 'cause if they hear our accents, they might think we're thicko's from Ireland and try to screw us. I'll put on me best English accent."

"Roight y'are Paddy, I'll keep me mouth shut, so I will. You do all da business," said Mick.

They go in and Paddy said in a posh voice, "Hello my good man. I'll take 50 suits at £5.00 each, 100 shirts at £2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at £2.50 each. I'll back up our van ready to load them on, don't you know."

The owner of the shop said quietly, "You're from Ireland , aren't you?"

"Well yes, so we are" replied a surprised Paddy. "How could you tell?"





The owner replied, "This is a dry-cleaners."

[nicky]

“Fifty Shades of Grey Hair”

The missus bought a
Paperback down Mumbles,
Saturday,
I had a look in her bag;
T’was “fifty shades of grey”.

Well I just left her to it,
At ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread…..

In her left hand she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down on the floor,
And then began to strip.

Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Doris hasn’t weathered well;
She’s eighty four next week.

Watching Doris bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
Things went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!

She struggled up upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and…
Said…. I must dominate her!!

Now if you knew our Doris,
You’d see just why I spluttered,
I’d spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I’d muttered.

She stood there nude, naked like;
Bent forward just a bit ….
I thought what the hell,
Stepped forward,
and stood on her left tit!

Doris screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
“Step on the other one”!!

Well readers, I can’t tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,….

Turned “fifty shades of Grey

[DiscoDes]

Attachments:

[Brian]

Two brooms............................



Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress.

The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo.

The wedding was lovely.

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and

said to the groom-broom, 'I think I am going to have a little broom!'

'IMPOSSIBLE !' said the groom broom.



Are you ready for this? Brace yourself; this is going to
Hurt!!!!!!






'WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!'


...................................
............. .............
Oh for goodness sake... Laugh, or at least groan.
Life's too short not to enjoy

Sounds to me like she's been sweeping around!

[OneDay]

scrubber