The Humourous Thread

[Katfish]

ROFL Scylla

And thanks Blakey, I always get a mental picture, bless you

[Katfish]

OOOOOOOh panto season approaches!

[foxy9212]

Dat is funny!

[DiscoDes]

A dog lover whose dog was a female and 'in heat,' agreed to look after and house her neighbour's male dog while he was away on vacation.

She had a large house and believed that she could keep the dogs apart ........ but as she was drifting off to sleep she heard an awful howling and moaning sound. She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage, as so frequently happens when dogs mate.

Unable to separate them and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.
I
Once she explained the problem to him, the vet said. "Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and be able to withdraw."

"Do you think that will work?" she asked.

"It just worked for me" he replied.

[bluemagnum]

On a recent trip to the United States, Tony Blair, Ex. Prime Minister of the UK,
addressed a major gathering of Native American Indians.
 
He spoke for almost an hour on his plans for a CarbonTrading Tax for the UK and Europe
 
At the conclusion of his speech, the crowd presented him with a plaque
inscribed with his new Indian name - Walking Eagle.
 
A very chuffed Tony then departed in his motorcade, waving to the crowds..
 
A news reporter later asked one of the Indians how they came to select the new name given to Tony Blair
 
They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of s**t that it can no longer fly

[bluemagnum]

Baby's First Doctor Visit



A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.

The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,' she replied..

'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.

She did He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'

I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma,

But I'm glad I came.

[foxy9212]

Two gooduns blue.

Fox

[DiscoDes]

Dennis was down at the local police station wanting to talk to the burglar who'd broken in his house the night before.

The desk sergeant was adamant. "No. You'll get your chance in court, sir."

"No, no, you don't understand," Dennis said. "I want to know how the hell he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

[DiscoDes]

A surgeon retires from his long career as a specialist in circumcision.

Throughout his career he has saved hundreds of foreskins as mementos and now wishes to turn them into a souvenir. He takes his specimens to a leather smith and asks him to make something out of them.

A week later the surgeon returns and the leather smith presents him with a wallet.

‘All those foreskins and you only made me a wallet?’ exclaims the surgeon.

The leathers smith replies, ‘Yes, but if you stroke it, it becomes a briefcase.’

[foxy9212]

Now then, *puts moderator's hat on* : Foreskins are OK for a mention - they're in da Bible but I don't recall reading about briefcases in there.

Nothing more risque than that if you please.

Fox

[DiscoDes]

OK Foxy but Foreskin is a medical term!






P.S.
I was just trying to put a smile on peoples faces with so much doom and gloom about

[foxy9212]

I do know a wee bit about 'em! I didn't really think they were exclusive to Philistines!

The joke's fine as far as I'm concerned (funny) but we have to be careful not to get carried away.

Fox

[DiscoDes]

Nov 30, 2011 18:13:55 GMT @foxy9212 said:

I do know a wee bit about 'em! I didn't really think they were exclusive to Philistines!

The joke's fine as far as I'm concerned (funny) but we have to be careful not to get carried away.

Fox

No problem

[DiscoDes]

When you drink Vodka over ice, itcan give you kidney failure,
When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure,
When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems,
When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.
Apparently, ice is really bad for you.

Warn all your other friends!

[bigbawmcgraw]

How I learned to mind my own business:
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day and all the patients were shouting '13.....13.....13...'
The fence was too high to see over but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on..... Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick....Then they all started shouting '14.....14.....14...'