The Humourous Thread

[nicky]

PMSL

[Gordy]

[Scylla]

The Humourous thread is being neglected, so am killing 2 birds with one joke -

(1) reviving the thread
(2) setting the tone for 2012


Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry

me?" The Princess said, "No!" and the Prince lived happily ever after

and rode motorcycles and banged skinny long-legged big-titted broads

and hunted and fished and raced cars and went to naked bars and dated

women half his age and drank whiskey, beer and Captain Morgan and

never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony and

banged cheerleaders and kept his house and guns and ate spam and

potato chips and beans and blew enormous farts and never got cheated

on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was

frikkin cool as hell and he had tons of money in the bank and left the

toilet seat up.

The end.

[DiscoDes]

The Buttocks


A married couple was in a terrible accident where the

Man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the

Husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body

Because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate

Some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body

That the doctor felt was suitable would have to come

from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they

would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they

requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After

All, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was

completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face.

He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his

Friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful

Beauty! One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was

overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, 'Dear,

I just want to thank you for everything you did for me.

How can I possibly repay you?'

'My darling,' she replied,

'I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother

kiss you on the cheek...'

[DiscoDes]

No Pussies were hurt during the making of this website

procatinator.com/

Press the "Show me another cat" button for more!

[steve386]

[Anne (fuzzy)]

[Katfish]

[stitch]

How many animals can you fit in a pair of women's trousers?2 Calfs, 1 Beaver, 1 Ass, Countless Hares, an occasional Cock and a Fish that nobody can find.

[Gordy]

[rolo]

Apologies in advance.........

A frog walks into a bank and approaches the counter clerk whose name was Patricia Whack.
‘Good morning’ says the frog, I’d like a loan for £25.000 please.
Ms Whack, somewhat nonplussed at this request from a frog asks ‘do you have any collateral sir’?
‘Certainly’ says the frog and produces a beautiful, tiny, pink, porcelain elephant.
Even more confused, Ms Whack replies ‘I’m not sure that would be sufficient sir, have you any credentials’?
‘Yes’ says the frog, ‘my father is Mick Jagger and I think if you check, the loan will be authorised’.
Unsure how to handle the situation, Ms Whack decides to consult with the manager. ‘One moment please, sir’ she says and disappears out the back.
‘I have a frog out front asking for £25.000, he says he is related to Mick Jagger and he’s produced something as collateral. I don’t even know what it is; can you come and see please?’
The manager goes to the door, looks out at the counter and says……………………………..














Wait for it…..







You’re gonna be sorry you scrolled down….









‘It’s a nick-nack Patti Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone.’

[magicma]

Had to LOL at Gordy's post 309 !! MMa

[dave]

Good to see that Sainsburys have a sense of humour!

[Scylla]

How to get men to wash their hands...

[maccafan]

The Birth of the Internet


In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?" And Abraham did look at her - as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load - but simply said, "How, dear?"

And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. The drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.

To prevent neighbouring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was called Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures: Hebrew To The People (HTTP).

But this success did arouse envy.A man named Maccabia did secrete himself inside Abraham's tent and began to siphon off some of Abraham's business. But he was soon discovered, arrested and prosecuted for insider trading.

And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. And he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drum heads and drumsticks.

Lo, Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others!" And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known, he said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside.It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).

And that is how it all began.