The Humourous Thread

[hissie]

Very true

[foxy9212]

[nicky]

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone.
You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there.. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.


I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

I may have been in Continent, and I don't remember what country I was in. It's an age thing.

[Queenie Bee]

#icon_rofl#

[nicky]

SEX ON MARS







The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles.


They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.

Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.

'Just how do you guys do it?' asks Maureen.

The Martian responds, 'Pretty much the way you do.'

A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another.. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weenie member about half an inch long and just a quarter-inch thick.

'I don't think this is going to work,' says Maureen.

Why?' he asks. 'What's the matter?'

'Well,' she replies, 'it's just not long enough to reach me!'

'No problem,' he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impres sively long.

'Well,' she says, 'that's quite impressive, but it is still narrow.'

'No problem,' he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.

'Wow!' she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad passionate love.

The next day the couples rejoin their other partners and go their separate ways. As they walked along, Mike asks, 'Well, was it any good?'

'I hate to say it,' says Maureen, 'but it was wonderful. How about you?'

'It was horrible,' he replies. 'All I got was a headache . She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears.'

[DiscoDes]

I lol'd at this:-







More here textfromdog.tumblr.com/

[shamreez]

A very good thought

[violetblade]

Jun 6, 2012 18:18:01 GMT DiscoDes said:

I lol'd at this:-







More here textfromdog.tumblr.com/

[beeratz]

Haha those dog texts are hilarious!

[DiscoDes]

PMSL

[OneDay]

LOL another out-loud belly laugh. TY Desmond

[maccafan]

#icon_rofl#

Good one!!

[maccafan]

[nicky]

Irish Fire Insurance

A man and his wife moved back home to Cork , from London.

The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in Britain was £2000.00 a year!

When they arrived in Cork , they went to an Insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure the wooden leg.

The agent looked it up on the computer and said to the couple, '€39.00.'

The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in Ireland to insure, because it cost him £2000.00 in England!

The agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said, 'Well, here it is on the screen,it says:

*Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it, is €39.00.*'

[nicky]

This morning on the motorway,I looked over to my left and there was a woman In a brand new Range Rover doing 70 miles per hr with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner.

I looked away for a couple seconds ! and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane still working on that makeup.


As a man I don't scare easily but she scared me so much I dropped my electric shaver which knocked the meat pie out of my other hand.

In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, It knocked my mobile phone away from my ear which fell Into the coffee between my legs splashed and burned big Jim and the Twins, ruined the darn phone, soaked my trousers, and disconnected an important call.


Bloody women drivers!!