Recent Posts

Yeah, Blue, I get your gist and agree to an extent, but this man is doing all this in the public eye for nothing other than his own vain glory and gets a Knighthood to boot. He is held up as a hero of sorts and we are all to wail in sympathy when due to his ignoring his medical condition he potentially could be losing some digits? He's a silly sausage.

I'm chugging on Alchemist's bananas and cream at the mo. It's very sweet. Not as sweet at the My Little Pony Chunks, though

I thought my (pink) Riva was mahoosive too at the very start and posted my thoughts here as such, but after a couple of days that passed and all I was concerned about was its vaporizing loveliness.

I'll eat my bottom dollar if you don't think so too after a wee while.

ACTUAL PASSPORT LETTER:

This, apparently, is an actual letter received by the UK Passport Office.

Dear Sirs,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe how is it that Sky Television has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a bleeding satellite dish from them back in 1988, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was bloody born and on what date.

Do you guys do this by hand?

My birth date you have on my pension book.

It's on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years.

It is on my National Health card.

My driving licence.

My car insurance.

On the last eight damn passports I've had.

It's on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the plane over the last 30 years.

All those insufferable census forms.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Mary Anne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely astounded if that WOULD ever change between now and when I die!!

I apologise, I'm really pissed off this morning.
Between you an' me, I've had enough of this bullshit!

You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my bleeding address!!

What is going on? Do you have a gang of neanderthal ar*eholes workin' there?

Look at my damn picture.

Do I look like Bin Laden?

I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want to go and park my arse on some sandy beach somewhere.

And would someone please tell me, why would you give a sh*t whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days?

If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, you'd be the last f***ing people I'd want to tell!

Well, I have to go now,'cause I have to go to the other end of the poxy city to get another f****ng copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of £30.

Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day?

Nooooooooooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense.

You'd rather have us running all over the f****n' place like chickens with our heads cut off, then WE have to find some ar*ehole to confirm that it's really me on the damn picture - you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?! (bureaucratic f****n' morons)

Hey, do you know why we couldn't smile if we wanted to? Because we're totally pissed off!

Signed

An Irate Citizen

P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to confirm that it's me?

Well, my family has been in this country since 1776 ...

I have served in the military for something over 30 years and have had full security clearances over 25 of those years enabling me to undertake highly secretive missions all over the world.

However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - you know, someone like my doctor ..

WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN FRIGGIN` PAKISTAN!

I'll be 'avin it too methinks.

S'lovely, that. Do you have any Suggestive Biccies? Sandwich the toasted mallow between two biccies and eat. No skewer needed.