The Humourous Thread

[shamreez]

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cursed her.

Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?

The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a prostitute...."

"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family."

"OK, dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million."

"For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club....(takes a breath)....and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and...."

Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad.

Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff.

"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug.

[shamreez]

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.

The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane.

The second man explained that he was from the Police Drugs Enforcement Agency and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'.

'His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.'

The plane took off , and once it has levelled out, the Policeman said, 'Watch this.'

He told Sniffer to 'search'..

Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds.
Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman's arm.

The Policeman said, 'Good boy', and he turned to the man and said, 'That woman is in possession of marijuana,
I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.
'Gee, that's pretty good,' replied the first man.

Once again, the Policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles.

The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent's arm.
The Policeman said, 'That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police.'

'I like it !' said his seat mate.

The Policeman then told Sniffer to 'search' again.

Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to **** all over the place.

The first man was really disgusted by this behaviour and couldn't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that, so he asked the Policeman, 'What's going on ?'

The Policeman nervously replied, 'He's just found a bomb.'

[l15a]

[magicma]

MM

[Scylla]

The brake fluid is short 'n sweet and all the jokes are fab. They are all winging their way to my e-pals as we speak

scylla

[lardarse]

I posted this in another thread but I think it's worthy of a place here too, E-Juice for your enemies, just change the label
www.liquidass.com/

[Scylla]

Yergggghhhhh I wonder how long it takes to disperse? (Prolly says in the small print but I ran away quick )

scylla

[hissie]

This is so excellent.

www.theanimalrescuesite.com/clickToGive/ars/article/Practice-Makes-Purr-fect716

[magicma]

That is brilliant Hissie. MM

[Scylla]

Love Nora, Hissie - it's taken me all this time to find my way back after she charmed me yesterday and I went off to send her around the net

scylla

[lynwlt]

www.joe-ks.com/archives_jun2008/ToiletFly.htm

[Scylla]

They need to do something about men who "kindly" sit to pee but then spray up under the toilet seat - especially first thing in the morning

scylla

[magicma]

You seem to well UP on this Scyll!! MM

[jerryrm]

[Scylla]

Just been told that someone's seen goal-posts in men's loos

scylla