The Humourous Thread

[jimmybat]

To Be Sure
J

[ken]

One Wish

A man walks into a pub with an ostrich and a pussy cat. He goes up the bar and says: "Beer for me, beer for the ostrich, whisky for the cat."
The unlikely trio find a table, sit down and drink their drinks. Next, it's the ostrich's round. He walks up to the bar and says: "Beer for me, beer for the man, whisky for the cat." Then the ostrich takes the drinks back to the table and they drink them. When it comes to the cat's turn to buy a round, he simply tells his pals to "Sod off!"
So the man goes back to the bar and asks for another two beers and a whisky.
Impressed at his generosity, the barman says: "I notice that you and the ostrich have both bought a round but the cat hasn't. Why do you hang out with him?"
The man replies: "I once helped a little old lady across the road, and she turned out to be my Fairy Godmother. She granted me one wish, which landed me with the cat and the ostrich forever."
"What did you wish for?" enquires the barman.

"A long-legged bird with a tight pussy…"

[ken]

Gisajob


An Irish man is sitting a a bar drinking
A flamboyantly gay man comes up to him and asks, "can i give you a blow job?"
The Irishman stands up and punches the gay man.
The bar tender comes over and asks, "Why did you hit that guy?"
The Irish man replied, "He said somethin about me gettin a job"

[jimmybat]

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night, covered in fresh blood, and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to go away and let him get some sleep. However, the bats persisted until finally he gave in.

"OK, follow me," he said, and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.

"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.

"Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a hungry frenzy.

"Good," said the first bat tiredly, "Because I didn't!"

J

[Scylla]

PMSL, Kenny and Jimmy

scylla

[ken]

An 80 year old man went into the confessional and told the
priest the following:

"Father, I am an 80 year old man, I'm married, I have 4
children and 11 grandchildren. Last night I strayed and
had an affair with two 18 year old girls. We partied and
made love all night long."

The priest said, "My son, when was the last time you were
at confession?"

The old man said, "I have never been to confession, I'm
Jewish."

The priest said, "Then why are you here telling me this?"

The old man said, "Father, I'm telling everyone!

[Scylla]

Kenny, I'm copying your jokes to the Techie board, RIP - it will go giggling to its grave

Gotta catch up on our threads before doing that one, though.

scylla

[ken]

Sept 3, 2010 19:16:07 GMT Scylla said:

Kenny, I'm copying your jokes to the Techie board, RIP - it will go giggling to its grave

Gotta catch up on our threads before doing that one, though.

scylla

Feel free Scylla.

One more if you want it lol.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a jar of sperm.

The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil.

After one day: The first worm-dead. Second worm-dead. Third worm-dead. Fourth worm-alive.

Lesson: As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won't get worms!

[ken]

Could not resist this one:


Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette and continued smoking.

Lady 1: "What's that?"

Lady 2: "A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet."

Lady 1: "Where did you get it?"

Lady 2: "You can get them at any drugstore."

The next day ... Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but politely asks what brand she prefers.

Lady 1: "It doesn't matter as long as it fits a Camel."

[Scylla]

[jaki]

Not rude, but it always makes me smile




And the translation

[Scylla]

Jaki I LOVE that one

(I hope I haven't given the impression that jokes here have to be rude )

scylla x

[Chrissie]

Lol, that was brilliant Jaki

[Scylla]

The tats are gawn And I've emailed the link to someone

I'll have to find them on YouTube

EDIT - Oh, they're back ???

scylla

[Hanow]

Loved it, and throughout was pondering on how the translation would come out - much cleaner than I imagined. Doesn't say a lot for my mind. :-[