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An eighteen-year-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months.

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.

Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge.

If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a 1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account. If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each.
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do"?

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him,
"Then you try again

At the end of the tax
year, the Revenue Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital.
While the agent was checking the books, he turned to the executive of the hospital and said
“I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there's too little left to be of any use?"
"Good question," noted the executive. "We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every once in a while, they send us a free roll."
"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer.
But on he went, in his obnoxious way,
“What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what's left over after setting a cast on a patient?"
"Ah, yes," replied the executive, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We save it and send it back to the manufacturer and every so often they send us a free bag of plaster."
"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all executive. "Well, What do you do with all the remains from the circumcision surgeries?"
"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the executive.
"What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the tax office, and about once a year they send us a complete prick.

A woman has to go to Ireland for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport. “Thank you honey,” she says, “Is there anything I can bring back for you?”

He laughs, and says, “An Irish girl!”

When the conference is over, he meets her up at the airport and asks, “How was the trip?”

“Very good,” she replies.

“And what happened to my present?”

“Which present?” she asks.

“The one I asked for – an Irish girl!”

“Oh, that. I did what I could. We’ll just have to wait 9 months to see if it’s a girl.

No "HARD" feelings!!!

Tommy discovered his wife was cheating with another guy, so he went to the guy's wife and told her about it.

"I know what we will do", she said, "Let's take revenge on him."

So together they went to a motel and had "revenge".

After 10 minutes, she said,"Let's have "more revenge", and they took "revenge again".

After 5 times of "repeated revenge", Tommy was lying spent, and she said, "Lets take revenge again."

Tommy said, "let's forgive them....... I have no more "Hard" feelings!!"